Borderline States, Counselling, Dreams, Hope, Mindfullness, Narratives, Psychoanalysis, Psychosis, Psychotherapy, Reflective Practice, Religion, Spirituality, The Inner World, The unconscious, Ways of Being

From certainty to certainty

Paul Tillich in his sermon Faith and Uncertainty comments “When we have left behind all objective probabilities about God and the Christ, and all subjective approximations to God and the Christ, when all preliminary certainties have disappeared , the ultimate certainty may appear to us. And in this certainty, although never secure and never without temptation, we may walk from certainty to certainty.”  (The New Being 1956)

Tillich’s sermon seems to me to be addressing the issue of containment. Something that as a therapist, is an integral part of my work. There are various “techniques” that help containment. Fixed appointment times, the same room, the same length of session time. All these help but what is central is that as a therapist one is consistent-both internally and externally. The external world can change a little without ill effect. But if who one is as a therapist changes, then the containment is threatened. But containment needs some flexibility if it is not to become a strait jacket. (The word “containment” has its roots in the idea of stretchiness or flexibility.) Tillich uses the word “certainty” which must  also allow for some flexibility. We’ve all met the fundamentalist of any shade or opinion whose certainty becomes a strait jacket rather than something more giving and flexible.

In my clinical practice 95% of my work focuses on containment. Or lack of it. (Or at lease a containment that somehow did not provide the balance between flexibility and fixedness.) The parent who was an alcoholic. Or the parent whom work was the all important aspect of their life. The mother who was terrified of her own sexuality and attempted to repress it in her children. The list is long. The mother who had an anxious mother and who herself passes on anxiety to her children. The list is long but all have in common a lack of holding or containing.

Compare these two images. Both show containment but done in such different ways. One restrictive and restraining, The other flexible and attentive.

Tillich suggests that we may have to let go of all our subjective and preliminary certainties in order that ultimate certainty may appear. It holds true for parenting. My mother was a Spock mother who read Spock as if he were the bible. She followed his advice religiously. My mother-in law also read Spock and found his advice useful, but found his assertion that, “Mother knows best. Trust your instincts.”  much more helpful and liberating. From here she could move from certainty to certainty- albeit never entirely without doubts and temptations.The same is true in clinical practice. I can say something important about what is happening in the room between me and my patient. But it is always tentative and equivocal. Which is the paradox at the centre of Tillich’s assertion that In order to find ultimate certainty we have to let go of many to our other cherished certainties. In T.S.Eliot’s words,”We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

This is what good containment offers us. “The chance to drive where we started and know the place for the very first time.”

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Counselling, Dreams, Hope, Narratives, Psychoanalysis, Psychotherapy, Reflective Practice, Religion, Spirituality, The Inner World, The unconscious, Ways of Being

Certainty

There was  a discussion recently on Facebook about a newly found translation of the KJV bible. The academic involved claimed that this new manuscript showed how much of the text had been edited to support particular political doctrines and ideas. The discussion that followed was, inevitably, about the  nature of biblical authority. Is it a case of “God said it. I believe it. That settles it”? Or a case of  “The words of God in the words of man”? The discussion lasted a few days  before moving on to something else. Probably a discussion about giant pandas or the Amazon rain forest.  At the same time a Quaker friend wrote a piece about certainty and religious faith.  She had disagreed with somebody who had wanted it to be the case that faith banished doubt. My friend’s point was that this was not the purpose of faith. Its task is to provide a framework to think about life and its vicissitudes, not to provide an answer to every conundrum. It is a familiar and important argument.

In his paper “Mourning and Melancholia” Freud commented that in mourning what was important was not whom someone had lost, but what. This thought has stayed with me. I spent my 20’s and 30’s  defining myself as Christian, albeit in varying ways – but mostly Evangelical. (That wish for certainty was pervasive.) Then I began psychotherapy and allowed myself to look behind some of my locked doors. What did I think about Jesus, the Church, Evangelicalism, things Charismatic etc? I discovered that I thought all sorts of things that I hadn’t allowed myself to think! Now in my 60’s I am happily agnostic as far as religious faith is concerned. I’m probably agnostic about many things. It’s a position I feel very comfortable with. It’s particularly helpful as a counsellor where I spend much of my time simply holding someone in my mind. I choose to suspend judgement about almost everything. One of my patients commented,”This feels so weird. It’s the only place where I don’t have to defend what I say or think. You’re just interested in the fact that I do think such and such.” My experience of therapy from both sides of the couch is that this is the only stance one can take. The only certainty is that there is no certainty, which makes this work so rich and rewarding. On a good day. On a bad day a small part of me longs to be back in my warm fundamentalist womb being effortlessly nourished by a divine umbilical cord. But we are not meant to spend our lives in any kind of womb. We are meant to be outside exploring and discovering. Endlessly asking “Why”

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